Arriving home before 8 on Sunday morning, young Sherry was overjoyed by the fun weekend she had been sharing with her dad and many of his friends and couldn’t wait to tell her mom all about it. When her mom asked “How was your time spent with your father, Sherry?”, young Sherry was exstatic with the opportunity to share the fun with mom.
“Honey, I have all the time in the world for you to tell me absolutely everything but right now we need to get you ready to go to Church because I have arranged to meet Tyrone in the parking lot of the church so we can all go in together.” said Sherry’s mom. “Can I wear the new shoes that uncle Tyrone bought for me?” asked Sherry.
super iPad on Wednesday. I sure like uncle Tyrone even though he is sometimes really creepy. Though I will always love dad with all my heart, I will try to accept that uncle Tyrone is going to be a part of my life once you and him get married and I will do my best to make him happy because he is not just wealthy but generous as well.” Replied Sherry.
“Sherry, Tyrone is not your uncle. Tyrone is my fiancé and he is a deacon in the church, he donates OPM to causes he believes in and he is a member of the rotary as well but he is not your uncle. Your daddy’s brother is your uncle and he drinks beer and does not go to church or the rotary so forget all about any uncles.” Said mom. “Tell me about this ‘Hashing’ nonsense, Sherry”, said mom.
“Well mom, on Saturday afternoon, dad & I drove to a really secluded place in the woods far outside of town where we joined about 50 other people in what they called a hash run. The name of the group is the “Hash House Harriers” but instead of me telling you all there is to know about the ‘hash’ I think it will be better for you to click right here on my iPad to learn about them.
dark. After they return to the carpark from the trail, they all stand around drinking beer, socializing, gossiping and eating junkfood and snacks provided by Miss Snickers until this one hasher called the “Grand Master” screams at them to ‘Form a Circle!”
“Then”, said Sherry. “All of the people form a circle with the Grand Master standing in the center like the hub of a wheel or the pivot man in a circle jerk and the real nonsense begins. Hashing is really great fun mom! I hope that someday you will go hashing with dad & me but I do not think that Uncle Tyrone would like it very much and doubt that dad would want him out there.”
“No mom, they are not racist at all and they do not burn crosses. The Grand Master asked the people in the circle if there were any virgins present and daddy stepped into the circle and pointed at me and said “My daughter Sherry is a virgin” and he called me into the circle
so all the hashers could look at me. Some of the other hashers started calling me “Cherry Sherry” but they all said I would not be virgin very long and then they made me do a down down.” “Goodness gracious sakes alive! What has your father done! What in the world is a down down?” demanded mom.
“Mom, a down down is where hashers are forced to guzzle beer while the circle sings ‘Here’s to the Hasher, he’s so blue, he’s a hasher thru and thru, he’s a hasher so they say but he couldn’t get to heaven cause he went the wrong way’… and mom, if the hasher does not drink his or her beer fast enough to satisfy the circle he or she must pour it over their head while the circle sings ‘Why are we waiting, we could be masturbating’, but do not worry mom, they did not make me drink any beer because I think they like to keep their young virgins somewhat sober for a while. Hashing is so much fun,
“Now you listen to me Sherry and you listen good! You are not going to be hashing ever again as long as I am above ground and around to protect you. As a matter of fact, I do not think you will be seeing your father again. If I have my way, he is going to be going away for a very long time and he will not be a virgin very long once he gets to where I hope he will go! Why in the world would your father want to kill Tyrone? Have you been talking bad about Tyrone” demanded mom.
By this time, Cherry Sherry’s mom was totally mortified about what she was hearing and she began to silently pray but Cherry Sherry was not done telling her mom about hashing yet.“Mom, while you are thinking about wonderful Uncle Tyrone and praying to put my dad in a cage hear me out because you ain’t heard nothing yet! After the hashers let me leave the center of the circle, the Grand Master called all leavers into the circle. Leavers are hashers who would not be at the next one or several runs for this reason or that. So then about a half dozen hashers with funny
names stood in the center of the circle while the hash choir sang that last week she and a dozen others were attacked by a huge nest of hornets. She said she had to jump into a murky pond to avoid the critters and stayed submerged for long time to avoid being stung again. Some of the other hashers that were attacked will probably not ever return to hashing. There was one stung young stud named Stuart who got zapped so many times that if the stingers were facing outward instead of inward he’d look kind of like a cactus or a porcupine! Hashing is so much fun mommy!
because he forgot to return to the hash this week when he was scheduled to be the pivot man in the circle. We missed Scotch Tape but mostly because Miss Snickers did not come with him to provide the snacks.
and has been hashing for so long that she says she has no memory of ever having been a virgin . We have some downright foxy former virgins on the hash trail now. Please mommy, please join us on a hash run!.........pleaded Cherry Sherry.
“Mom, if you join the hash we will in time rechristen you with an appropriate new moniker and you will know longer be known to the world as Gertrude” pleaded Cherry Sherry…“Sherry, if I join the hash I can quit being called Gertrude? No $hi+?
Give me some examples of hash names” said mom.
“Here’s a list mom! Take a look at it.” Instructed Cherry Sherry.
• Pussy Galore
• Have You Had Me Yet
• Ice Pussy
• Nut Sucker
• Loose Screw
• Legs Wide Open
• Scarlet the Harlot
• Deep Throat
• Moaning Lisa
• Comfort Woman
• Critter Crotch
• Speed Bumps
• Dairy Queen
• Grand Canyon
“Sherry, did anyone on that hash thing touch you with anything?” asked mom, “Did they say anything that made you feel
uncomfortable?” “No mom! Not only no, but hell no!” exclaimed Cherry Sherry. “Everyone was very nice all the time”.
everyone seem happy” said Cherry Sherry.
“After that” said Cherry Sherry, “I was allowed to leave the circle and the same religious advisor called in Pussy Galore to the circle for plundering pineapple fields as she foraged along the trail as female hashers are wont to do. Pussy Galore had to do a down down and the hash choir sang ‘Why was she born so beautiful, why was she born at all? She’s no fucking use to anyone, she’s no fucking use at all’. It’s a little like sitting in church mom but a hell of a lot more fun. When Pussy Galore was made to do a down down she still had some beer in her cup and she pretended that she poured to between her tits instead of dumping it over her noggin like she’s supposed to. Pussy Galore is great mom! She’s Thai but spent a lot of time in the “Sherry! Did you almost say a bad word? Did you almost use the N
word?” screamed mom. “N, n, n no mom but you know I s ,s, sometimes stutter when I have a h, h, hangover” cried Cherry Sherry, “Anyway, according to the Grand Master, who according to himself, is always right, the F word is the bad word, and his balls are all tied in a knot because another hasher used the F word in an e-mail message to the hash” said Cherry Sherry. “Oh come now Sherry! Surely you are just shining me on! How in the hell could a hasher be offended by the F word” said mom. “It baffles the crap out of me too” replied Cherry Sherry. “But I intuitively know that the GM was angry. In addition to being a bit sexy, and precocious, I am also somewhat clairvoyant and I was able to read the GM’s thoughts as he frowned and stared at that nasty old hasher called Ballbanger. The GM was humming the tune of ‘He’s the Meanest”.
He's the Meanest
He's the meanest
He sucks the horse's penis
He's the meanest
He's the horse's ass
Ever since he found it (hey!)
All he does is pound it (hey!)
He's the meanest
He's the horse's ass
So drink it down down down down.......
“So, when Pussy Galore quit making a spectacle of herself in the circle was it all over?” inquired mom. “Almost” said Cherry Sherry. “The GM and the Religious Advisor called various other hashers into the circle for this or for that and they all had to guzzle beer. One crazy guy was told to sit on this big block of ice. This nut had a head shaved down to bare metal and he was wearing only a little white loincloth with the words “Enter in the rear” stenciled on the front right over his teenie little weenie. Most often the hashers are required to drop their laundry before they sit on the ice but this crazy man from Sodom had no pants to drop so he just chilled the family jewels in his loin cloth. Really mom, hashing is so much fun and a hell of a lot more fun than Sunday school.”
“Are there black people on the hash, Sherry” asked mom. “Sure there are mom! There were none yesterday but we also had no Russians, Eskimos, Saudis or ni, ni, Nicaraguans but everyone is welcome to join the hash regardless of anything! The GM sure wishes that nasty old Ballbanger would find something else to do with his time though. Anyway, I know what you are thinking mom and to set the record straight, the Black Cock that Adams Apple got deep down her throat is actually cheap Thai liquor sold at every Tesco Lotus in Thailand so relax and quit drooling.” “What happened after the nonsense of the circle finished?” asked mom.
“Many of us went to a pub for more beer and some pub grub. Seems many hashers can not get enough to drink in the two hours of slugging down the suds after returning from the trail. We went to the Happy Days pub beneath dads apartment where the beer is cold, food cheap and service terrible but most of the hashers didn’t take notice of much aside from the bum on a waitress and how long it took to get served a beer.
Hashers are easy to please, mom. Come with me to the next run.” said Cherry Sherry. “I do not think it would be very fitting for a Christian woman to join that Hash nonsense. Now hurry up and finish getting ready for church or we’ll be late meeting Uncle Tyrone” said mom. “That perv ain’t my uncle mama! He’s your boyfriend and the only difference between him and the worse kind of paedophile is that he has money.’ said Cherry Sherry. “ I don’t know what you see in him but a blind person could see what he sees in me and papa is going to break every bone in his worthless body when he has a chance!” “Mama, I do not know if you have heard the news but there is no sense in going to church today. Father Flannigan was arrested and jailed yesterday for doing things to the altar boys from the church for the last 15 years and it looks like they might bury him beneath the jail. We can not go to the Methodist Church cause none of the ladies there like you since many of them are also real friendly with that damn Tyrone of yours.
“Well honey, maybe we should just forget uncle Tyrone and going to church for a while. Is there a hash run on Sunday? I still have a good pair of Reebok’s that I have not worn in a long time.” said mama…. “Mama this is great! Pervy Tyrone is not my uncle! There is no hash run on Sunday but we can join papa and those other weirdos at the Happy Days pub and start priming for next Saturday! And guess what mama, you’re gonna be a virgin just one more time! Daddy said that all you need is half a mind if you want to join the hash and even that dumb Tyrone said you are nearly brainless! Let’s go mama! On On!! exclaimed Cherry Sherry! “Will I have to meet that nasty bugger who used the F-word in print?
asked mom. “Don’t worry mom! You’d not know the word if it was printed in big black block letters! Most other hashers are unable to read as well.
Anyway, nasty old Ballbanger has promised to change the spelling to FCUK so nobody is every offended and has also promised to
never use the offensive word on the Group owned by the Grand Master forever or until the Grand Master lets somebody else run the show but Ballbanger thinks the Grand Master intends to be GM forever and that the F-word will become extinct like the Dodo Bird,” said Cherry Sherry.
“Okay then, Cherry Sherry! On On to the next hash run.!!!!